The Trigger Gets to Know The Heart

Cactus & balloon “Impossible Love” featured image:
© Sven Grothe


We are always learning.

The billboards we pass en route to a destination, commercials on the computer or TV screen and all the other created we encounter in the process share pieces of simple and complex lessons daily.

2 Timothy 3:1-7 Teaches us of a time not extremely different from the world’s current state wherein the easily swayed flesh nature embraces the type of education that is “never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

That’s real, unfortunate and, thankfully, not at all the focus of this sharing. This post, begun eight days from the initial posting of the last and on time for the agreement between my King & I, made its way to my consciousness during some refresher trainings on emotional and psychological triggers of trauma.

Don’t get me wrong…I did pay keen attention to the content and team members sharing the task. The case studies and audiovisual testimony of people who endured or committed horrible things, at times creating and projecting the illusion of them by proxy did its job to heighten our sensitivity and encourage more effective assessment then address of diverse needs.

The spirit of the week did try to stir anger or decisions to dwell in confusion regarding certain traits, poke holes in my tear ducts and treat my heartstrings like a harp here and there.

However, the omnipresent God Gives His Word, Holy Spirit and contentment to His children in and of any age, wherever we are. [Jeremiah 23:23-24, Proverbs 15:3, Colossians 1:9-20, 1 Timothy 6:6]

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The Room

Convention has it

that there was no room


Hard to believe

of someOne Who Continues to Offer a place among many mansions, a timeshare in Paradise, a Love that Stretches Its Arms°Hangs Its Head°Gives Up Its Spirit°Says to our sins, “It Is Finished” to INFINITY

if only we would do, sow


What do you get that Kind, a King at that?!

(Where) do you hide the present?

Is there a suitable room

in our hearts, eyes, panic or praise, entire lives?


Never mind…

i hear He Stays Renewing and Renovating anyway

Just cherish this day

un/like all the other gifts

resting beneath the Tree

of abundant Life after death


Thank You, Messiah.

Casa Reap

Last night i dreamed

i was conducting dorm checks

of students in ministry

only one of whom i know in waking life

an expecting friend

who chased bad boys and left

campus where they were

commissioned for All

in-tents and purposes

to much higher learning


i was grateful to find

two young men where they belonged

With tuition most high

should we have to ask

why do good?

Girls love mammon more



Above ground

in the light of day

a tall man spoke

to all who had heart to hear

“The bad news

is that we’re in trouble

The good news is that

Jesus is here”


True, brother

i understand that

He longs to have us all

on The Vine, mainline

The nerve of us to monopolize

what whole nations need

like Love, water, oil

and clean breeze mixed

with Inspiration

Holding a taller sign

he read my life


“Abide in Christ”

In other words

stay as you were when you met Me


Beneath the surface


“Ladies & gentlemen

due to an earlier investigation

we are experiencing delays”

both ways

the announcer projected

i didn’t mind

the extra time to ruminate

as thriving depends

on better digesting every morsel and meal

God provides


i take every chance to write

as sacred assignment

since trading crushes for building

in the shack

of my rebirth.

Transferable Skills (Re: Arrangement)

Carhartt outer garment

infinite sizes bigger than

the current man

whose cheeks had also

likely been fuller

instead of a-sunken

part of his frame

needing the jaws of Life

Fidget. Self-talk. Fidget…

Many pretended not to notice him

I couldn’t help but notice us all, an arguably bad habit

that led me to wait for, then hold, his gaze and smile

“Miss, can I transfer to the _ here?”

Over the years, my spirit became unfamiliar

with steps I once took in my sleep

Such uncertainty appreciated

the interruption of a brother quickened to care

“Hey big man. Stay on for one more stop.

Then you can make your transfer.”


Rearranged mosaic tiles (Original art ©Nataniel Fuster)

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Duly Noted

Most peculiar

variation on a theme

I thought I was supposed to forget

or had forgotten me


strong stance facing mine;

a cross, the Way

I hadn’t introduced

but believe i knew

or am getting to know

Been see(k)ing the desire of my heart

everywhere lately

Dutiful Father showing up

taking me to school

every morning

no matter my route or schedule

Of course, the reflection was just

one of Your sons

yet it made my day to notice him

writing something in his hand

before he stepped away;

a chosen and deliberate activation

of muscle memory

I smiled inside

understanding that

whatever it was

must’ve been important

The Door opened at his station

then a man dressed

as a famous mime sang and strummed

“And I Love Her”.

Never Void…Checks & Balances

Generally ‘speaking

Life, if detached from The Vine, is on loan.

Humility of heart allows The Holy Spirit to quicken you

from Everlasting in, to the everlasting.

💡#SOwattage: Can a #Woman Be Someone in #God, Too? Should She Even Aspire To?

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. (Psalm 1:1, KJV)

The writing has been placed on and erased from the wall many times: power corrupts. Women, being deemed the weaker sex then, should be less susceptible to such short-circuitry, no? Well…not necessarily.

Eve‘s inaugural curiosity, Jezebel‘s ruthlessness, Delilah‘s wiles over Samson’s vowed Nazarite strength and the mother-daughter mayhem of Salome‘s swing to remove John the Baptist’s head provide us some not-so-sweet examples of Biblical femininity.

Gratefully, they represent a minority relative to the women skilled in lamentation, the Proverbs 31 ideal and those whom supported Jesus’ ministry and Transfiguration (including another Salome, maternal aunt of  Christ).

That being said, 1 Corinthians 11 and Titus 2 further expound upon the order of Godly dispensation and gives some grace to the precedent of enmity set upon Eve’s daughters above in Genesis 3, especially as it pertains to prayer and doing the work of God.

Ministry was spoken into my life for many years in many ways. Pastors I’d known, elders I hadn’t and others along the way expressed their beliefs that God wanted to use my penchant for looking past riches or other dressings into the heart of matters for encouragement of all our highest callings in Christ.

Hearing the suggestion at enough gatherings did make me go hmm…then home to doubt the possibility and wonder how they didn’t see all the flaws that sometimes made me agree with those who saw the worst in me. Choosing to abide by a Berean by choice is no easy feat much less to be ordained into the oft disobeyed Levite path of brotherly love with The Most High, as priesthood done right exemplifies.

I once reckoned from my flesh that the decent middle ground for a late-blooming, slightly wild child with an offer to attend a reputable theological seminary was to half-step among the world and engage interfaith ministry training, ordination. Neither option stood up to fervent prayer or sat well enough with me, so I continued to walk on; imperfectly enough as too many humans do.

It’s a matter of life-and-death to know that stumbling, especially to the degree that it lies as a conscious block to a believer, brings its punishment. If anything soft deserves default condemnation, then, it seems a yielding doctrine once we transcend a title or office and truly come into better understanding of God’s Will is among them. With that clarity, some of our more stringent br/others in Christ deserve commending for commanding straighter, closer walks with Him.

Now older, wiser yet more teachable, aware, self-controlled and unashamed of the full Gospel beyond music these days, the world’s fallen nature screams within me yet moreso at me from too many TV shows, hit songs, public transportation billboards and even pulpits. The volume was almost enough to tempt me out of line and at the fore with a ‘somebody’s gotta do it’ attitude.

Good intentions and all, even that is incorrect. It is not my place as the created, namely a woman, to disrupt the order or decency God requires and is birthing in me. To quietly study The Word, journal/share with true brothers and sisters to confess then grow (in) His body of faith, sing “psalms and spiritual songs” and, most importantly, live in a manner that reflects Him honorably is sufficient. That is of Grace.

I visited a church today that is currently between pastors. Having begun this post prior to seeing and meeting the guest minister, it was quite the surprise (but not really considering The Holy Spirit’s revelatory ways) to engage the bald woman who began her congregational address promoting a newly published book by her husband, also a minister, who wasn’t in attendance.

The commerce was a qualm I couldn’t appreciate since being led to remove myself from the face and center of anything professing Christ. It’s also possible my seat in the congregation, shoes or hairstyle were someone else’s qualm, so I left that snap judgment at the altar, knew I wouldn’t be a member there and continued to receive my Lord in the moment. After all, her message of reliance upon the Anointing before doing anything had already resonated with my heart in advance.

By virtue of their partnership in life and preaching, it might be safe to say the couple represented a modern-day Aquila and Prisc(ill)a, an “eagle” in spirit and military history paired with an “old-fashioned” woman learned in The Word. The absence of her physical covering (without personal judgment as I’m not privy to her medical needs) and marital shield (of unknown reason) was an unspoken snapshot of the church’s state, however; no consistent leadership by a head appointed of God.

SO…what becomes of the controversial woman pastor? What also becomes of women like me—neither birth sister to any or deaconness nor married to a man of God with whom I can amplify the Will and Word of Our Father nor birth mother to anyone via said Godly union thus unequipped to be “saved through childbearing”? Wasn’t the ultimate birth salvation already achieved through Mary?

If we must be a remnant, why not do so excellently? Like our upstanding Levitical brothers, unless any of those statuses change, The Lord is our portion in purity. Like the doorposts swathed against plague symbolizing the first Passover, we are covered by The Blood of The Lamb; The Blood that checks issues and overcomes the world. Even in dark hours, may we continue to walk with God-in-Christ into His Truth by way of The Holy Spirit’s inspiration of His Word.


The answers to my prayers are sources of gratitude. Would I prefer a reprobate existence lacking relationship, wherein God doesn’t hear, respond to or grant me the ability to kiss His Son at all? Absolutely not.

Even if unexpected, encroached upon and enshrouded by the enemy, their very occurrence is the allowance of God. Sometimes that resembles injustice in the short-term and is hard to swallow. I let it be. Selah.

Still, I did not offer them up with the rhythmic intention of my songs or with the slur of a spirit drunk with racism and other forms of hatred for The Most High’s facets.

They are the product of closeted moments when I, reduced from four standing decades of Life experience to my knees as His baby, received a message I might not completely understand much less agree with at first.

Every tear-stained, hungry, stubborn, kicking, soiled, unintelligible moment of confusion mistaken for heartbreak was offered the remedy for being lied on and to registered as “Dear child, just lay it down.” Huh? Ok… . My undereye area is unusually arid after years of overflow; a tenderized salt flat often colder at night, naturally thinner than other areas and threatening a familiar darkness I combat from within.

Don’t you know joy and pain require release? Both’ll burst your heart if you withhold them. One day, I remembered that He trained my hands for spiritual war—and to love plants. Thankfully, t(He)re is a Balm.

A Love of Her Awe

It was written


in the beginning

we were formed

not of gossip

but of dirt


Variations of brown

made to reflect God’s beauty

by virtue of right union’s design

Man in woman then children

to glorify Heaven

without fawning florid in duty

just tending the Earth



Even the passage of time yielded

an average white band of brothers

who sang of give & take

For goodness’ sake

God and created agree we are not to be alone

lest our flesh burn with earthly passions

like the liquid fever that lies

dormant unless making more islands of us

and the crude black gold that might make us war/m


Pay dirt for some

striking as spillage of brotherly hatred

or meal for worms of the field

men of old had named Akel Dama

I deeply believe there is no honey sweet enough

within which to hideout from God

Who requires no comb to number our crosses or hairs


Having had more than enough

of lust

I set body, heart, mind and soul apart

for a proper season

and would only let myself consider brothers

believed to also be singularly hungry for God

as those truly engaged by Him would never deny such blessings



Girlfriends dissatisfied with a stoic period long past

had once facilitated the online hard way

wherein pounds of free virtual fish reduced to one

pleased by my intellect, makeup & humor at a Harlem literary salon

still proved foolishly penny wise and for naught

when his paramour & child’s mother called me post-date

Thankfully too little (meaning, none) of my body

hadn’t made that particular revelation too late

Not so for the indiscreet malintent of another man

after whom my paradigm shifted and refuses to go back

How many times must one replay the game

without raising the probability of craps?


Lately, i envisioned a future date of reasoning

laboring in The Word, maybe over a stove

or humbly washing his feet

in tears and the oil of gladness

asking him to cut my hair of its soul memories

releasing this daughter of sons’ dust

to one day cultivate anew

a garden only he and Our Father could cover

Anything that could truly translate

the unfathomable gratitude for visiting my heart

before he did the same

filling me with His Love, Truth & Name


Perhaps it is backwards to become so old-fashioned

having formerly indulged in the new age

So what? I prefer it that Way;

a welcome departure from the blur and harem

of others who in vice

insisted authority in the love of Christ

once righteously encouraging me

then spewing curses & falsehoods of money

when I made offers for pre-marital touch leave


Such glittering goals are a broken life ago

before the True Bride’s price was paid to include me

and none but God’s mercy

let His Son’s Love be found

on time.


💡#SOwattage: By Any Other? No. (#Saturdaymorning #devotional)

Humanities scholars or just fans of poetry from Shakespeare and hip-hop are likely to be among those eager to support the sweetness of roses for what they are, not what they’re named.


Their argument, if confined only to the “Romeo and Juliet” literary work, has merit. One step outside of that context and the general function of phonics seems to offer a serious hook if not real content.

Of fishing for consumption, for instance, a strait (as in Bering, not burying depending on your hometown’s accent) might look and sound perfect for the job. It can’t and shouldn’t fulfill the same purpose as a straight, baited line cast therein by the skilled hand nor does it account for the hungry believer and/or professional’s direct trod to the water source.

Certainly, it does no justice as a jacket in this regard, either.


28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8, KJV)

In His Son alone, we find that all these things converge for His Glory. He Is:

  • Living Water
  • fish (catcher/foreman/mass distributor)
  • via the Holy Spirit, what draws us who navigate & swim about the world right on in
  • the narrow Way forsaking other gods’ vain imaginings
  • our carriage or company in the Walk, and
  • peace that defies conventional understanding, calms our rages & helps us hold it together;

truly Being All to all people as the apostle Paul teaches us to imitate, making chaste the life behind us.

That being said, since He Knows and calls us by ours, shouldn’t we also “kiss the Son” by honoring His rightful Name? According to many, Christ is allegedly an elevated title conferred to more than one throughout the ages and Jesus, also a common name among some cultures, is said to have derived from Greek and Hebrew variants such as Iesous, Yashaya(h) and Yeshua. The name also has its connections to thunder/lightning god Zeus, but that’s another story. In my darkest hours, calling no other Name than Jesus has been my reprieve. God alone Knows that. The accuser and followers will pretend, tease & call crazy those whom God implores to call on Him.

That part of the enemy’s tricks is so bothersome! Any so-called average person would take offense to a date or lover who expected them to answer to an incorrect name. How dare we believe or expect less from the Alpha & Omega? Needless to say, the enemy prides itself on influencing us to engage

  • anger
  • accusation
  • condemnation
  • scare or shame tactics
  • confusion, and sneakily dangerous in this information age,
  • a lukewarm neutrality or false peace that politely wants to agree with everybody.

To constantly dial the wrong number hearing only self, speak incorrectly (or worse, insincerely) and not converse with or cry out to Him at all forces the Beloved into legalistic, rigid and diminished relationship with Our Redeemer. It behooves us to comprehend, then, that any other name and the response from using it is not promised to be sweet.

Despite our birth names and all we/others have done to fit, improve & sully them, what matters most is when and what He calls us—softly or harshly but all-ways uniquely to our qualities via a nature only He Knows will reach us. Then, His True Name (and y/ours) will be written on our hearts never to be removed without our placing and keeping hands in the brier, so to speak.

Disobedience and rushing get thorns[*], some of which may manifest through (not necessarily of) those so close we least expect it. Commitment to grace, holiness and purity in patience beholds and allows us to, in turn, present roses to Him then to what we hope is a growing number of those able to recognize His fragrance. Let’s make sure we truly listen, Love Him, take His hand and apply His Word like Life depends on it.

It does.

May The Sovereign God guide, bless and keep you according to His Will.